Grievances Aired

[cam]

I am glad that you opened this thread, Wes. It now should be very easy to determine when a thread has completely got off on a tangent, and remind the combatants to "step outside"( ie. to the grievance board.), or "go the playroom and fight about it" in some cases.

I am one of several who complained about the verbal abuse, the foul language, and the downright nastiness this board has turned into. Banning was not a popular choice, and asking for changes of behaviour brought attacks and has not worked. I've posted in this board for 8 years. I have never seen personlal attacks like these.

What is Wes to do? It's his Board. Does he have to "deal with this behaviour? Lots of visitors to this Board--do we want them to return or are they going to be driven away by the maliciousness that has sprung up?



Edited By cam on 1202789189

[OscarGuy]

Eric, you exemplify my frustrations. Thank you so much for that.

And you responding to my post confirmed my impression of your overblown persecution complex.

Your comment was unnecessary, rude and fit perfectly into the reason I AND so many others are growing frustrated here...but you don't seem to see that at all. I don't feel persecuted. I feel frustrated and annoyed about this whole thing. You are as much a part of the problem as you are a part of the solution. The solution is NOT to make nasty comments like that.

This isn't a fourth grade playground, don't act like it's one. You seem to believe that none of us have the right to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, annoyed or stressed when dealing with this situation. You don't have any idea how many emails and PMs I get on this issue and you don't seem to care. It takes a great deal of time out of my day to handle these situations. I am caught in the middle of this war. It's not my war I'm fighting. This is a war between several individuals all of whom have different opinions and feelings about this matter. If there's someone who needs to mature in this situation, it sure as hell isn't me.

[Akash]

I'll second what Penelope said. I don't think anything that has transpired is any reason to shut down the board. And I'll extend Penelope's point about free speech to say that I don't think it's EVER a good idea to ban anyone, or to even discussing banning them. If you don't like something someone is saying on an internet forum (and come on, we all have lives outside this place, or one would hope so), can't you just, you know...fucking deal? My god, nothing here is that serious. If you don't like a post or a topic or whatever, just don't read it.

I'll extend Eric's point too. I think a lot of people here need to grow up.

[Penelope]

The past 10 days have been among the most unhappy of my life. Events outside of the board--work, school, loneliness, the weather--have been truly dispiriting. To add into that the discovery that certain individuals on this board, particularly one individual who I thought was a friend, could be so petty, so cruel, so vindictive has shocked, disturbed and saddened me.

My heart is already breaking, and it would break even more if this situation were to lead to the closing down of the board; already, my enthusiasm for what has traditionally been my favorite time of the year, the Oscar season, is essentially completely eradicated. I'm hopeful that it can return again, and I hope that it can return again in this forum, where I can share my passions and my interests with people I've come to know over many, many years.

OG is right that all of us do share some blame, some more than others, but each of us has said things we shouldn't have; I believe firmly and always will in freedom of speech, but if I've ever said anything that has hurt people in this forum I sincerely apologise. This past week has taught me that it is wise to step back, catch one's breath, remove oneself for a moment, or a day, or even a week, if necessary, to allow yourself to calmly re-enter a world that can be, at its best, a forum for enlightened, invigorating and enthralling discussion.

I was not aware of this private forum that occurred, I don't know what was said. I think I don't want to know. We all have our problems; I came pretty close to ending all of mine a few nights ago, but I'm not going to do that, I'm not going to give anyone such power over me. Never again. I'm grateful that I have a mind that is open and willing to explore all means of communication, art and culture. I am not ashamed of that. I would like to think that most everyone here can share in such thoughts; and I think most of you do.

Let's recognize each other's strengths and weaknesses; I cherish this place, I do--it has, so many times, brought me so much happiness, and, yes, recently, sadness, but the good times, the interaction of enthusiasm for film, of sharing ideas, that's not something we should allow to end so rashly, so quickly. I hope that we can do this; I believe that we can do this.

[Eric]

Eric, you exemplify my frustrations. Thank you so much for that.

And you responding to my post confirmed my impression of your overblown persecution complex.

I know you and I know this board and your site means FAR too much for you to simply shut it down, so dial down the drama already.



Edited By Eric on 1202786505

[rain Bard]

I'll be disappointed if this board closes up shop, or if any of the members leave for good in frustration, but I guess the latter has already started happening.

One request: if you do decide to shut down the board, Wes, can you please try to give us a warning? There may be a few things I've written here that I would like to save. I'm going to start doing that now when I have free time here and there, but I'll step up my efforts if it looks like the end is truly near.

[OscarGuy]

Eric, you exemplify my frustrations. Thank you so much for that.

[Eric]

Grow up, OG.



Edited By Eric on 1202778660

[OscarGuy]

It has become painfully obvious that members do not wish to calmly and politely discuss film and Oscar-related topics.

Several individuals, some long-time members and some newer members have decided to wage a war on this board over hurt feelings and altruistic opinions of fairness.

A situation arose over two individuals who had, to the irritation of a number of members, become overly aggressive in their rhetoric. This caused several members to decide to step away from the board and no longer participate.

In my misguided effort to elicit honest general opinions, not just those that had been aired by PM and e-mail, I opened a private discussion topic regarding the matter. I wanted to hear from the longtime members of this board. Only two individuals were purposely excluded from the discussion. They were excluded because it was the only way I could actually elicit HONEST thoughts. If they had been allowed access, I wouldn't have gotten the advice I needed.

Looking back on this, I believe this was a mistake. I should not have allowed people to discuss this on the board, I should have just made a decision. I accept full responsibility for this.

However, there is significantly more fault to be had over the issue. I deleted the topic to avoid hurt feelings and protect those who had provided honest feedback. One individual decided to inform the debated individuals that a discussion had taken place. Doing so is far more unconscionable than anything I or other had done. They allowed something private to become public in a self-centered desire to appear cool and "above" the situation. In reality, this individual only caused significant hurt feelings, drive away members and cause a great amount of stress and tension during a time when we should be celebrating film.

I wanted to move on. Friendly warnings had been issued and the matter had been put to rest. Those who were most upset still had reservations, but I assured them that I was monitoring the situation. However, it appears nothing was going to move on. We were going to return to the rut that had developed.

I don't want to have to close down the board, but there is such a wave of immaturity of late and the divide keeps growing between rational and irrational that I can't keep doing it. I've tried to be fair. I've tried to be honest and I've tried to move us past the problems that had caused the board to fracture and collapse. But it's clear that I am not going to be able to do that. No one wants that. Not the two whose feelings were hurt. Not the individuals who brought their concerns to me in the first place. And certainly not the person who decided to drive he wedge further in.

So, here's your chance. Air your grievances. Yell and scream at one another. That's apparently what you all want to do. Show me just how much you hate this board and the people in it. Because that's what this situation has created in my mind. It's a hostile, unwelcoming environment. Show me how you want to watch this board fail and suffer just because you have a hurt ego or you think someone has done something that's against your personal moral code.

If you people want to know WHY this board isn't growing and has stagnated, walk to your bathroom, look in the mirror and ask yourselves "How have I contributed to the problem?" and "How have I tried to stop it?" None of us are blameless here. None of us are saints and none of us are entirely at fault. We're all a part of the problem and the sooner we resolve this situation the sooner we can move on.

And if we can't move on, then I will close the board for good. You can then migrate to all those other message boards out there that many of you have claimed you don't like visiting because they are too public. Then maybe you'll actually appreciate all that I have done in creating this place and all that you have had a hand in destroying. And I hope you all can be happy with that. I've done all I can do and I'm tired of trying. I don't want to see this place go, but it seems like I may soon have no choice.





Edited By OscarGuy on 1202776932